Paradigm City - Fan Fiction - Beneath The Surface

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Beneath The Surface

Part 12

Once he had eaten, Roger headed upstairs. Freshly showered and shaved, he put on his robe and walked into his room, noticing the balcony curtains were open. As he toweled some of the moisture out of his hair, he looked out and saw Dorothy sitting on the rail. Tossing the towel to the chair, he walked out to join her.

"Are you thinking about anything interesting?" he asked.

She turned to face him and reached out a hand to touch his hair. "Your hair is still wet. You will become ill, Roger Smith."

He shrugged. "May I ask you something, Dorothy?"

"If you want," she said gravely.

Better not to beat around the bush, he decided. "Why did you ask me to kiss you?"

"That’s a hard question," she stated soberly. "That’s what I am thinking about."

"I understand." He leaned on the railing, enjoying the view of the domes with their brilliantly lighted buildings. Dorothy slid down to the balcony and stood next to him quietly, the wind catching her hair.

After a long pause, she spoke. "You were happy to see that I was not damaged or lost."

"Yes, I was," he agreed.

"When you hugged me, it was...it felt good," she continued. "But it wasn’t...complete. I didn’t know what might be missing."

"I see." He stood and began pacing slowly across the floor. "And you thought perhaps what was missing was a kiss?"

"Yes," she nodded. She moved to stand directly in front of him and caught his hands in hers. "Is this the time and place, Roger Smith?"

He was at a complete loss for words. "I...I don’t know." He looked into her dark eyes and slowly put his arms around her, drawing her close. Dorothy reached up and put her hands on either side of his head, gently pulling his lips down to chastely meet hers.

"Roger..." It was a plea.

"It’s cold out here. Let’s go inside," he said, abruptly releasing her. Dorothy followed silently, pulling the drapes closed after he had latched the door.

"You’re angry with me," she observed.

"No, not at all," he said tiredly. "It’s just...complicated."

"Yes," she agreed. "Did it feel bad?"

He sighed and shook his head. "No, it didn’t feel bad, Dorothy." That was exactly the problem, he realized. She felt almost... normal, at least as long as he didn’t think about the times he had carried her. There had been nothing unusual about her kiss, other than its innocence. He sank into the chair, leaning his chin on his hands.

Norman’s voice echoed through his mind. "She responds according to how you treat her, Master Roger. When I treated her with affection, she returned it in kind. She just isn’t sure enough of herself yet to reach out of her own accord. I would imagine that she will one day, given enough time and practice."

Dorothy was reaching out to him, Roger realized. Graceless and awkward as it was, she was trying to express something that she felt. It was just that she didn’t have enough experience to put it into words or actions.

She was waiting for him to say something, Roger realized. He ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end even more. "Come over here, Dorothy," he commanded. As she approached, he rose to meet her, pulling her close. She said nothing, but he could feel her relax as she leaned against him. "What do you feel right now?" he asked her.

"Warm," she replied. "Safe. The way you are touching me says that you are glad I am here and it makes me feel happy."

He tilted her chin to look directly into her eyes. "Is that all?"

"There is something else," she said slowly. "A...wanting." She paused, clearly searching for the right words. "When Grandfather used to hug me or when Norman hugs me now, it is... complete. Ended. When you hug me, it is... good, but there is something missing. I...I...need," her voice trailed off again. There is something more," she said finally.

Was this truly possible? Did her "wanting" mean that she was experiencing a desire to be closer still, or was it only his wishful thinking? Was this of her own free will, or had she read or seen something that made her think that this is what he wanted? If she were simply imitating, though, she would not be so unsure of herself. She would be going through the motions like a clockwork automaton, as though she had been born knowing what to do.

He found that he was ready to find out, one way or the other. He brought his mouth down to hers, applying gentle pressure and lightly teasing with his tongue until her lips parted. She accepted this passively for a moment, but just as he lost all hope and began to pull away, her arms came up to draw him back and she was returning his kiss, a little hesitantly at first but soon with increasing enthusiasm. It was a long time before he could bring himself to let her go. "Is that what you wanted, Dorothy Wayneright?" he asked softly.

She stared at him wordlessly for what seemed like hours but was probably only a moment. "I would like to do it again to be sure," she said finally. He laughed and let her draw him into another kiss.

**************************************************

In a city of amnesia, it’s all too easy to lose sight of the now. We focus on the past to the detriment of the present, losing our chance to make our time here matter. We ignore the good we could do in favor of the regrets for what we do not have.

In a world without memories, your life has only the meaning that you give it.

We have come to terms.

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